Let me start off this time with an obvious statement: nobody woke up this morning and said to him or herself, “I’d love to go live in a nursing home.” If you have an elderly parent or grandparent still living at home, or your spouse is still at your residence, I can assure you that none of them has on their to-do list: GET NURSING HOME CARE.
It’s a fact of life, and one you need to come to terms with because whether entering a nursing facility is an attractive option or not, it’s nevertheless an option worth considering if a loved one’s present physical and/or mental condition calls for this type of care and you’re finding it more and more difficult to provide the care that’s now needed.
The problem is that sometime in the past the discussion may have come up (perhaps even in passing) and you promised Mom, Dad, Grandmother, Grandfather, wife, or husband that you’d never put her or him into a nursing home. You made the promise with every intention of keeping it at the time. However now things in your special someone’s life has changed (and not for the better unfortunately) … and because of this the subject of nursing home care has entered your mind; hence the feeling of guilt.
“How can I even consider such a thing,” you say to yourself. Only a terrible person would go back on their word, especially when a promise was made.
Here’s what you must remember. You made this promise out of love, and now you are going back on your promise because of the very same love you have for this individual.
Indeed no one begins the day with the goal of moving into a nursing home, and in turn you didn’t start out this morning wanting to turn your back on your special person. As the aging process takes hold, tough decisions must be made in your loved one’s best interest. Here, the selfish thing to do would be to honor your earlier promise even though you can no longer provide the kind of caregiving assistance that’s called for.
It’s time to let the folks get involved who do this for a living; people that have the professional experience and know-how to make your loved one’s quality of life the best it can be from this day forward. Yes it’s easy to let the guilty feeling take control … if you let them. However you must look at it as doing what’s right for someone you care about.
The easy course of action is to do nothing. The hard choice is to do what’s required, even if this means going back on your word. This is what making tough decision is all about. The nursing home (and if the type of care required is less intensive then an assisted living facility) can give you peace of mind because the staff is able to better handle what you perhaps can’t. Is the nursing or assisted living facility just like home? Obviously not, however, it can be a reasonable alternative in light of the caregiving challenges ahead.
That’s the key. Making the call in the direction of what’s correct for the person at hand and making sure he or she lives out each and every day to the fullest. Here, you can rest knowing you made the best choice possible, and guilt can be removed.
